Kada je reč o roditeljstvu, to je najlepša životna uloga koju čovek može da ima. Od trenutka preuzimanja te uloge, preuzimamo potpunu odgovornost za model vaspitanja koji pružamo detetu.

Važno je da imamo visoko razvijenu svest o tome, ali postavlja se pitanje – da li smo kaoroditelji dovoljno sposobni za preuzimanje te uloge? Da li smo dovoljno sposobni da jednommalom biću budemo ne samo roditelj, već i mentor, vaspitač, pedagog i osoba koja ćeusmeravati dete?

Jedna od najvažnijih stavki u roditeljstvu, jeste posvećenost. To je ključ koji otključava sva ona vrata na koje će dete pokucati, polaskom u školu, na fakultet, u traženju posla.

Kao roditelji, moramo imati kontrolu. Ne u smislu da kontrolišemo dete, ugrožavajući njegovu slobodu, već kontrolisati svoja očekivanja. A – da li je dobro imati očekivanja od dece? Često očekujući da dete zadovolji naše potrebe, da ispuni naše želje, zaboravljajući da detemorati imati svoj, a ne nametnuti identitet, stavljamo mu ogroman teret na leđa, što neminovno vodi u agresiju, sa kojom je teško nositi se.

Tu dolazi do mišljenja da je agresivnost kod dece zapravo, samo jedna faza. I jeste, u periodu do treće, pete godine, dok dete ne nauči da razvije emocionalnu inteligenciju u čemu mu moramo pomoći, ali šta ćemo kada je u pitanju adolescencija?

Da li je i tada agresija samo ,,faza“?

Često ćete videti roditelje koji striktno očekuju od dece odlične ocene, obećavajući im različitenagrade. Zar je toliko važna dobra ocena i zar je ona merilo sutrašnjeg uspeha deteta?

Kada imamo očekivanja, kada detetu pretimo, koristimo silu u vaspitavanju, bilo da je fizičkaili psihička, potresamo njegovu ličnost i najčešće možete i videti da se za ispoljavanjeagresivnosti kod dece, ljudi čude – odkud ista, kako je moguće da dete nasilno reaguje?!

Ono što je neminovno jeste da sve dolazi iz matične porodice i da moramo biti svesni da sanapretkom digitalizacije, menjanja sveta, novog svetskog poretka, slabe ne samo porodične vrednosti, već se stavlja akcenat na rušenje porodice, rušenje porodičnog ideala, što se primećuje u porodicama gde su roditelji razvedeni, samohrani, ili jedan od roditelja nije prisutan, bilo odabirom, ili silom prilika.

Zato je važno da pomognemo deci da razviju ne samo emocionalnu, već i socijalnu inteligenciju, ali i toleranciju na frustraciju. Važno je, da ih naučimo da se „nose“ sa određenim izazovima u životu, u školi, na ulici. Takođe je važno i kakav je obrazovni sistem, da li pruža pedagošku “klimu“ u kojoj deca razvijaju vršnjačke, interaktivne odnose, zasnovane na asertivnosti, ljubavi, poštovanju i drugarstvu i koliki autoritet imaju zaposleni u prosveti.

Svedoci smo da i prosvetni radnici često trpe torturu, da u današnje vreme i nemaju toliku moć, boreći se da zadrže svoj autoritet, dok s druge strane postoje i oni koji guše dečju individualnost, pa deca osećaju frustraciju. Gde je mera, kako napraviti balans? Činjenica je da je zbog narušenog sistema vrednosti isti izgubljen. Zbog toga što mnogi roditelji rade više od osam sati i imaju manje vremena da se bave svojom decom, može se zaključiti da je podizanje dece u Srbiji u današnje vreme izazovno, ali da svako ko se odluči za ovu životnu ulogu, bez obzira da li mu je u smislu profesije blizak vaspitno-obrazovni rad ili ne, mora čitati literaturu o roditeljstvu i zdravom postavljanju granica, a još važnije, svakodnevno imati uvid u to kako dete provodi dan.

Jer, možete se složiti, ili ne, ali roditeljstvo je u neku ruku žrtva i dete neće pamtiti kada odraste šta smo mu kupili –  pamtiće emocije koje smo izazvali u njemu.

Autor: Jelena Karadžić

Lobbyists Magazine   

 May 22, 2023

Author: Jelena Karadžić

When it comes to parenting, it is the most beautiful life role a person can have. From the moment we take on this role, we assume complete responsibility for the model of upbringing we provide for the child.

It’s important to have a highly developed awareness of this, but the question arises – are we as parents capable enough to take on this role? Are we capable enough to be not only a parent, but also a mentor, educator, pedagogue, and someone who will guide the child?

One of the most important aspects of parenting is dedication. It is the key that unlocks all the doors that the child will knock on – starting from school, college, to job hunting.

As parents, we must have control. Not in the sense of controlling the child, jeopardizing their freedom, but controlling our expectations. But – is it good to have expectations of children? Often expecting the child to meet our needs, to fulfill our desires, forgetting that the child must have their own, and not an imposed identity, we put a huge burden on them, which inevitably leads to aggression that is difficult to deal with.

This brings me to the opinion that aggression in children is actually just a phase. And it is, during the period up to the third or fifth year, until the child learns to develop emotional intelligence, in which we must help, but what about adolescence? Is aggression then just a „phase“?

You often see parents who strictly expect good grades from their children, promising them various awards. Is a good grade that important and is it a measure of the child’s future success?

When we have expectations, when we threaten the child, using force in upbringing, whether physical or mental, we shake their personality, and most often, you can see that people are surprised by the child’s aggressive reaction – from where, how is it possible for the child to react violently?!

What is inevitable is that everything comes from the family and that we must be aware that with the progress of digitalization, changing the world, a new world order, not only are family values being undermined, but emphasis is being placed on destroying the family, destroying the family ideal, which is noticed in families where parents are divorced, single parents, or where one of the parents is not present, by choice or by force of circumstances.

That is why it is important to help children develop not only emotional but also social intelligence, but also tolerance for frustration. It is important to teach them to „deal“ with certain challenges in life, at school, on the street. It is also important what kind of educational system, whether it provides a pedagogical „climate“ in which children develop peer-to-peer, interactive relationships, based on assertiveness, love, respect, and friendship, and how much authority educators have.

We are witnessing that even teachers often suffer torture, that in today’s world they do not have so much power, fighting to retain their authority, while on the other hand, there are those who stifle children’s individuality, so children feel frustrated. Where is the measure, how to make a balance? The fact is that due to the disturbed value system, it is lost. Because many parents work more than eight hours and have less time to spend with their children, it can be concluded that raising children in Serbia nowadays is challenging, but anyone who decides for this life role, regardless of whether they are close to educational work or not, must read parenting literature and set healthy boundaries, and even more importantly, have daily insight into how the child spends the day.

Because, you can agree or not, but parenting is in a way a sacrifice and the child will not remember when they grow up what we bought them – they will remember the emotions we caused in them.