Neki roditelji nezbežno ostanu sami u odgajanju svoje dece.

Verujem da mnogi pre toga ulažu mnogo truda da porodica opstane, jer je tako najzdravije za decu a i same roditelje. Za roditelja koji je ostao sam sa decom nakon razvoda kreće borba na mnogo polja, a on je jedini borac. Različiti su putevi koji vode do mesta gde se uči odgovor na pitanje : „Kako sad?”

Hajde da se osvrnemo na one porodice koje su imale narušene odnose, u kojima roditelj mora najpre sebe da oporavi da bi bio sposoban da pomogne i svojoj deci. Kada su žene u pitanju, neretko ih okolina ne podržava i unapred osuđuje da su zapravo one krive što su ostale same sa decom. Neki smatraju da žena mora sve da proguta i prećuti zarad očuvanja porodice. Baš to nerazumevanje okoline i čini prve korake još težim.

A gde ćemo da živimo?

Čest problem sa kojim se tada sreće samohrani roditelj je pronalaženje stana u kome će živeti sa decom. Stanodavci nerado iznamljuju stan porodicama sa decom, bez osećaja solidarnosti prema samohranom roditelju i deci koja se nalaze u situaciji da nemaju krov nad glavom. Čest problem su i roditelji koji zbog mentaliteta konzervativne sredine ne dozvoljavaju ženskom detetu da se vrati nakon razlaza u porodičnu kuću i da još pri tome dovede decu. Čak i kada se žena sa decom vrati u porodičnu kuću, čast izuzecima, ali i tada je vrlo retko potpuno razumevanje od strane roditelja i drugih ukućana koji su navikli na svoj režim života koji se njenim dolaskom remete. U tom slučaju ženi je potrebno da pronađe svoj kutak za novi početak.

Mentalna snaga

U periodu neposredno posle raspada porodice za samohranog roditelja koj je ostao sa decom najvažnije da sačuva mentalnu snagu. Majka koja je postala stub porodice mora da bude spremna na teške odluke i zadatke. Ali uzaludno je očekivati da će se dogoditi neka magija, već je potrebno bez opravdanja namiriti sve potrebe. Jer mesta za opravdanje nema, a kamoli razumevanja.

„Emotivna podrška“

Postoje i majke za koje okolina misli da neće izdržati, da neće uspeti da održe porodicu same i da je neophodno da se upuste u novi brak. Međutim, novi brak često ume da donese još jedno negativno iskustvo u kome je žena omalovažavana a njena deca nekada i odbačena i umesto na blagostanje, žene nailaze na nove, dodatne probleme.

Druga krajnost su samohrane majke koje su, poučene iskustvom žena koje su opisano iskustvo preživele, odlučile da se same hrabro suoče sa svim nedaćama koje samohrano roditeljsko odgajanje dece donosi. One se tada odriču sebe i svojih potreba i celim svojim bićem se posvećuju deci.

Drugi roditelj

Postavlja se pitanje: „Gde je drugi roditelj za to vreme”? Nažalost, često izbegava obaveze prema deci. Čak i u situaciji kada završe na sudu zbog izdržavanja dece, ovi roditelji su spremni da se služe svim mogućnostima da izbegnu obavezu, neretko optužujući bivšeg partnera da novac dobijen za izdržavanje dece troši na nešto drugo a ne na decu.

Inat ili ljubomora i pakost najčešći su razlozi zbog čega se izbegava plaćanje alimentacije. Kada bismo racionalno postavili stvari, nema odrasle, normalne osobe koja ne bi brinula o svojoj deci. Zbog toga je važno da raščlanimo šta se plaća novcem od alimentacije.

Šta ulazi u strukturu alimentacije?

Pre svega, ishrana dece. Zamislimo porodicu sa dvoje, troje ili više dece. Prosečna potrošačka korpa za avgust 2022. godine za četvoročlanu porodicu iznosila je 88.282.79 dinara. U troškove izdržavanja dece ulaze troškovi vezani za školovanje dece. Cena udžbenika za osnovce nižih razreda je od 9000-12000 dinara a za osnovce viših razreda od 15000 do 20000 dinara, dok cene eksurzije za putovanja po Srbiji iznose od 10000 do 25000 dinara. Decu je potrebno obući, a takođe i obezbediti im pristojan, suv i čist prostor u kome će živeti i učiti, a ako putuju do škole, platiti im i prevoz. Što znači da u troškove ulaze i cene dečije garderobe, komunalija i prevoza.

Posledice trajanja sudskog postupka

U toku trajanja sudskog postupka kojim se utvrđuje iznos alimentacije tužena strana ne plaća alimentaciju nego počinje sa plaćanjem tek po okončanju sudskog postupka. Posledice toga su da novac potreban za školovanje i izdržavanje dece u periodu vođenja sudskog spora nedostaje, zbog toga što život ne može da čeka da se završi sudski spor. Potrebno je decu obući, nahraniti, opremiti za školu i druge vannastavne aktivnosti. Troškovi izdržavanja porodice su, svi smo toga svesni, u današnje vreme veliki. Na kraju sudskog spora tužena strana u svakom slučaju presudom bude obavezana na plaćanje alimentacije i to za ceo period suđenja. Kada se na gomilu skupe dugovi za alimentaciju od nekoliko godina to je veliki iznos, koji tužena strana po pravilu neće, a i ne može da plati. Onda stupaju na scenu izvršitelji, a neretko se vodi i krivični postupak zbog neplaćanja alimentacije. Što na kraju dovodi do toga da roditelj koji nije hteo da plaća alimetaciju provodi vreme u zatvoru, umesto da radi i izdržava svoju decu. Postavlja se pitanje, kakvi smo mi to ljudi?

Posao-prihodi

Mnoge samohrane majke ostaju sa manjom decom, pa treba uskladiti posao i brigu o njima. Troškovi su često preveliki izazov.

Da li je dovoljan jedan posao? Taj posao je često slabo plaćen, uz zahteve poslodavca da se ispune svi protokoli na radnom mestu, uključujući i poštovanje radnog vremena, bez izgovora. Dečije potrebe često se u te zahteve ne uklapaju.

Deca se prečesto razboljevaju, a čekanje kod lekara ume da potraje.

Šta reći o onim poslodavcima koji ne priznaju pravo na bolovanje? U Srbiji veliki broj zaposlenih susreće se sa situacijom da su prijavljeni, na primer, na dva sata radnog vremena. U tom slučaju radniku je onemogućeno ostvarivanje prava na dečiji dodatak ili neku vrstu novčane pomoći od države, ova pomoć iako nije velika, ipak može da pomogne. Naročito u slučajevima kada poslodavci ne isplaćuju plate za vreme provedeno na bolovanju. Na kraju, za slabo plaćenog samohranog roditelja bez zdravstvenog i penzijskog osiguranja, bez plate u slučaju bolovanja, čak i otkaza zbog bolesti, jedino rešenje je obavljati dva posla.

Samohrani roditelj, pored obaveze da obezbedi novac, mora sam da se brine o deci i kući na taj način stvara se jedno preopterećeno društveno biće, kome je povrh svega potrebno da sačuva zdravlje, zdrav razum i dostojanstvo.

Izazovi za roditelje i društvo

Izazovi sa kojima se susreću samohrani roditelji prilikom podizanja dece su veliki i zaslužili su jedno veliko BRAVO!

S druge strane, ako razmišljamo o budućnosti ove nacije, mi pre svega moramo da mislimo o deci, Zbog toga je potrebno da se u zakonu naprave olakšice pri zapošljavanju kategorije samohranih roditelja. To je izazov za društvo.

Magazine: Lobisti , November 6, 2022

Some parents unfortunately find themselves alone in raising their children.

I believe that many put in a great deal of effort to keep the family together beforehand, as this is the healthiest situation for both the children and the parents themselves. For a parent who is left alone with the children after a divorce, the battle begins on many fronts, and they are the only fighter. The paths leading to the place where one learns the answer to the question „What now?“ are diverse.

Let’s focus on those families that have experienced strained relationships, where the parent must first heal themselves to be able to help their children. When it comes to women, the environment often does not support them and judges them in advance as being at fault for being left alone with the children. Some believe that a woman must endure and tolerate everything for the sake of preserving the family. This lack of understanding from the environment makes the first steps even more difficult.

And where will we live?

A common problem faced by single parents at this stage is finding an apartment where they can live with their children. Landlords are often reluctant to rent to families with children, lacking any sense of solidarity towards the single parent and the children who find themselves without a roof over their heads. Another issue is parents who, due to the conservative mentality of the environment, do not allow a female child to return to the family home after a separation, especially if she brings her own children. Even when a woman with children returns to her family home, understanding from the parents and other household members is, with few exceptions, very rare, as they are used to their own way of life which is disrupted by her arrival. In this case, the woman needs to find her own space for a new beginning.

Mental Strength

In the period immediately following the breakup of the family, it is crucial for the single parent who remains with the children to maintain mental strength. The mother who has become the pillar of the family must be prepared for difficult decisions and tasks. But it is futile to expect any kind of magic to happen; rather, it is necessary to meet all needs without excuses. There is no room for excuses, let alone understanding.

Emotional Support

There are also mothers whom the environment believes will not endure, who will not manage to maintain the family on their own, and who are considered to need to enter a new marriage. However, a new marriage often brings another negative experience where the woman may be demeaned and her children sometimes even rejected, resulting in the woman facing new and additional problems instead of finding prosperity.

On the other end of the spectrum are single mothers who, guided by the experience of women who have survived similar situations, decide to bravely face all the challenges of single parenthood. They then sacrifice their own needs and dedicate their entire being to their children.

The Other Parent

The question arises: “Where is the other parent during this time?” Unfortunately, they often avoid their responsibilities towards the children. Even in situations where they end up in court over child support, these parents are often willing to use every possible means to evade their obligations, frequently accusing the former partner of spending the child support money on other things rather than on the children.

Stubbornness, jealousy, and malice are the most common reasons for avoiding child support payments. If we were to look at it rationally, there is no adult, normal person who would not care for their own children. Therefore, it is important to break down what the child support money is meant to cover.

What is Included in the Structure of Child Support?

First and foremost, child support covers the children’s nutrition. Imagine a family with two, three, or more children. The average cost of living for a four-person family in August 2022 was 88,282.79 dinars. The expenses for child support include costs related to the children’s education. For elementary school textbooks, the cost for lower grades is between 9,000 and 12,000 dinars, while for higher grades it is between 15,000 and 20,000 dinars. Additionally, excursion costs for trips around Serbia range from 10,000 to 25,000 dinars. Children need to be dressed, and they also need a decent, dry, and clean space to live and study, and if they travel to school, transportation costs must be covered. This means that child support expenses also include the costs of children’s clothing, utilities, and transportation.

Consequences of the Duration of Legal Proceedings

During the course of legal proceedings to determine the amount of child support, the defendant does not pay child support but begins payments only after the conclusion of the legal process. The consequence of this is that the money needed for the children’s education and maintenance is lacking during the period of the legal dispute because life cannot wait for the court case to end. It is necessary to clothe, feed, and prepare the children for school and other extracurricular activities. Family maintenance costs, as we all know, are significant in today’s world. At the end of the legal dispute, the defendant is obligated by the court’s judgment to pay child support for the entire period of the trial. When arrears accumulate over several years, the amount is significant and the defendant generally will not, and cannot, pay it. This leads to the involvement of bailiffs, and often to criminal proceedings for failure to pay child support. This ultimately results in the parent who refused to pay child support spending time in prison instead of working and supporting their children. The question arises: What kind of people are we?

Work and Income

Many single mothers are left with young children, and they must balance work with caring for them. Expenses are often a significant challenge.

Is one job enough? That job is often poorly paid, with employer demands to follow all workplace protocols, including adherence to working hours without excuses. Children’s needs often do not fit into these requirements.

Children frequently fall ill, and waiting at the doctor’s office can be a lengthy process.

What to Say About Employers Who Do Not Recognize Sick Leave Rights?

In Serbia, a large number of employees face the situation where they are registered, for example, for just two hours of work per day. In such cases, workers are denied the right to child benefits or any form of state financial assistance, which, although not substantial, can still be helpful. This is particularly problematic when employers do not pay salaries during sick leave. In the end, for a poorly paid single parent without health or pension insurance and without a salary during sick leave, the only solution is often to take on two jobs.

A single parent, in addition to the obligation to provide money, must also care for the children and the household, creating an overburdened social being who, on top of everything, must strive to maintain their health, sanity, and dignity.

Challenges for Parents and Society

The challenges that single parents face while raising their children are immense and deserve a big BRAVO!

On the other hand, if we think about the future of this nation, we must primarily think about the children. Therefore, it is necessary to create legal provisions to facilitate the employment of single parents. This is a challenge for society.