Lobbyists Magazine
May 22, 2023
Author: Jelena Karadžić
When it comes to parenting, it is the most beautiful life role a person can have. From the moment we take on this role, we assume complete responsibility for the model of upbringing we provide for the child.
It’s important to have a highly developed awareness of this, but the question arises – are we as parents capable enough to take on this role? Are we capable enough to be not only a parent, but also a mentor, educator, pedagogue, and someone who will guide the child?
One of the most important aspects of parenting is dedication. It is the key that unlocks all the doors that the child will knock on – starting from school, college, to job hunting.
As parents, we must have control. Not in the sense of controlling the child, jeopardizing their freedom, but controlling our expectations. But – is it good to have expectations of children? Often expecting the child to meet our needs, to fulfill our desires, forgetting that the child must have their own, and not an imposed identity, we put a huge burden on them, which inevitably leads to aggression that is difficult to deal with.
This brings me to the opinion that aggression in children is actually just a phase. And it is, during the period up to the third or fifth year, until the child learns to develop emotional intelligence, in which we must help, but what about adolescence? Is aggression then just a “phase”?
You often see parents who strictly expect good grades from their children, promising them various awards. Is a good grade that important and is it a measure of the child’s future success?
When we have expectations, when we threaten the child, using force in upbringing, whether physical or mental, we shake their personality, and most often, you can see that people are surprised by the child’s aggressive reaction – from where, how is it possible for the child to react violently?!
What is inevitable is that everything comes from the family and that we must be aware that with the progress of digitalization, changing the world, a new world order, not only are family values being undermined, but emphasis is being placed on destroying the family, destroying the family ideal, which is noticed in families where parents are divorced, single parents, or where one of the parents is not present, by choice or by force of circumstances.
That is why it is important to help children develop not only emotional but also social intelligence, but also tolerance for frustration. It is important to teach them to “deal” with certain challenges in life, at school, on the street. It is also important what kind of educational system, whether it provides a pedagogical “climate” in which children develop peer-to-peer, interactive relationships, based on assertiveness, love, respect, and friendship, and how much authority educators have.
We are witnessing that even teachers often suffer torture, that in today’s world they do not have so much power, fighting to retain their authority, while on the other hand, there are those who stifle children’s individuality, so children feel frustrated. Where is the measure, how to make a balance? The fact is that due to the disturbed value system, it is lost. Because many parents work more than eight hours and have less time to spend with their children, it can be concluded that raising children in Serbia nowadays is challenging, but anyone who decides for this life role, regardless of whether they are close to educational work or not, must read parenting literature and set healthy boundaries, and even more importantly, have daily insight into how the child spends the day.
Because, you can agree or not, but parenting is in a way a sacrifice and the child will not remember when they grow up what we bought them – they will remember the emotions we caused in them.