Magazine: Lobisti , November 6, 2022
Some parents unfortunately find themselves alone in raising their children.
I believe that many put in a great deal of effort to keep the family together beforehand, as this is the healthiest situation for both the children and the parents themselves. For a parent who is left alone with the children after a divorce, the battle begins on many fronts, and they are the only fighter. The paths leading to the place where one learns the answer to the question “What now?” are diverse.
Let’s focus on those families that have experienced strained relationships, where the parent must first heal themselves to be able to help their children. When it comes to women, the environment often does not support them and judges them in advance as being at fault for being left alone with the children. Some believe that a woman must endure and tolerate everything for the sake of preserving the family. This lack of understanding from the environment makes the first steps even more difficult.
And where will we live?
A common problem faced by single parents at this stage is finding an apartment where they can live with their children. Landlords are often reluctant to rent to families with children, lacking any sense of solidarity towards the single parent and the children who find themselves without a roof over their heads. Another issue is parents who, due to the conservative mentality of the environment, do not allow a female child to return to the family home after a separation, especially if she brings her own children. Even when a woman with children returns to her family home, understanding from the parents and other household members is, with few exceptions, very rare, as they are used to their own way of life which is disrupted by her arrival. In this case, the woman needs to find her own space for a new beginning.
Mental Strength
In the period immediately following the breakup of the family, it is crucial for the single parent who remains with the children to maintain mental strength. The mother who has become the pillar of the family must be prepared for difficult decisions and tasks. But it is futile to expect any kind of magic to happen; rather, it is necessary to meet all needs without excuses. There is no room for excuses, let alone understanding.
Emotional Support
There are also mothers whom the environment believes will not endure, who will not manage to maintain the family on their own, and who are considered to need to enter a new marriage. However, a new marriage often brings another negative experience where the woman may be demeaned and her children sometimes even rejected, resulting in the woman facing new and additional problems instead of finding prosperity.
On the other end of the spectrum are single mothers who, guided by the experience of women who have survived similar situations, decide to bravely face all the challenges of single parenthood. They then sacrifice their own needs and dedicate their entire being to their children.
The Other Parent
The question arises: “Where is the other parent during this time?” Unfortunately, they often avoid their responsibilities towards the children. Even in situations where they end up in court over child support, these parents are often willing to use every possible means to evade their obligations, frequently accusing the former partner of spending the child support money on other things rather than on the children.
Stubbornness, jealousy, and malice are the most common reasons for avoiding child support payments. If we were to look at it rationally, there is no adult, normal person who would not care for their own children. Therefore, it is important to break down what the child support money is meant to cover.
What is Included in the Structure of Child Support?
First and foremost, child support covers the children’s nutrition. Imagine a family with two, three, or more children. The average cost of living for a four-person family in August 2022 was 88,282.79 dinars. The expenses for child support include costs related to the children’s education. For elementary school textbooks, the cost for lower grades is between 9,000 and 12,000 dinars, while for higher grades it is between 15,000 and 20,000 dinars. Additionally, excursion costs for trips around Serbia range from 10,000 to 25,000 dinars. Children need to be dressed, and they also need a decent, dry, and clean space to live and study, and if they travel to school, transportation costs must be covered. This means that child support expenses also include the costs of children’s clothing, utilities, and transportation.
Consequences of the Duration of Legal Proceedings
During the course of legal proceedings to determine the amount of child support, the defendant does not pay child support but begins payments only after the conclusion of the legal process. The consequence of this is that the money needed for the children’s education and maintenance is lacking during the period of the legal dispute because life cannot wait for the court case to end. It is necessary to clothe, feed, and prepare the children for school and other extracurricular activities. Family maintenance costs, as we all know, are significant in today’s world. At the end of the legal dispute, the defendant is obligated by the court’s judgment to pay child support for the entire period of the trial. When arrears accumulate over several years, the amount is significant and the defendant generally will not, and cannot, pay it. This leads to the involvement of bailiffs, and often to criminal proceedings for failure to pay child support. This ultimately results in the parent who refused to pay child support spending time in prison instead of working and supporting their children. The question arises: What kind of people are we?
Work and Income
Many single mothers are left with young children, and they must balance work with caring for them. Expenses are often a significant challenge.
Is one job enough? That job is often poorly paid, with employer demands to follow all workplace protocols, including adherence to working hours without excuses. Children’s needs often do not fit into these requirements.
Children frequently fall ill, and waiting at the doctor’s office can be a lengthy process.
What to Say About Employers Who Do Not Recognize Sick Leave Rights?
In Serbia, a large number of employees face the situation where they are registered, for example, for just two hours of work per day. In such cases, workers are denied the right to child benefits or any form of state financial assistance, which, although not substantial, can still be helpful. This is particularly problematic when employers do not pay salaries during sick leave. In the end, for a poorly paid single parent without health or pension insurance and without a salary during sick leave, the only solution is often to take on two jobs.
A single parent, in addition to the obligation to provide money, must also care for the children and the household, creating an overburdened social being who, on top of everything, must strive to maintain their health, sanity, and dignity.
Challenges for Parents and Society
The challenges that single parents face while raising their children are immense and deserve a big BRAVO!
On the other hand, if we think about the future of this nation, we must primarily think about the children. Therefore, it is necessary to create legal provisions to facilitate the employment of single parents. This is a challenge for society.